I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he wants to bone in the snuggie
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
