its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I could fuck to npr.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
