Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Randomize
