how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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