Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
