i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
