me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
