I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
