What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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