i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
