just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
