I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
