some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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