Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
