Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
