This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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