why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
