I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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