It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
