I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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