Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
