malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
