Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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