Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
