I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
