I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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