everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
