Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
