My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
