I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
