You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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