I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
