So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
not ubering you a puppy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
