I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We are all done wearing pants today
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
