a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
