ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
