Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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