That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
