Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
