five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
