That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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