someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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