Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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