i was born a porn star she said
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You ruined the universe
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
