My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
