My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
