I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
