I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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