Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
