Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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