he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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