Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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